Lord willing, I want to discuss a topic here that I’ve never talked about in any of my blogs. I’m getting ready to write the second half of a Daddy’s Girl post that involves it, and I need a head-start in thought preparation.
Did that make sense?
Gonna discuss pregnancy/child-bearing issues. Now, thankfully, I don’t have that “baby ache” so many mommy wanna-bes have after being childless past age 40. In truth, friends and family sometimes make MUCH more of the issue than I ever have. I think a baby ache would be terribly distracting, but I’m not going to front and feign sour grapes.
The truth is, I would LOVE to be a mother. However, what’s also true is there will be only one immaculate conception in earth’s history; since God’s plan for me involves remarriage and motherhood at some point, until a man enters the equation, motherhood is on hold.
I hope it comes through in my writing that I am not panicking about this. Probably what also comes through here is that I absolutely adore being single and wish God would allow that to become my destiny. I know that’s selfish but, there it is.
What About, Um… Men?
I don’t have the “man ache” either. I was married for four years to a stiflingly controlling, horrendously fearful man and I know that marriage is WORK. My maturity level during those years was also severely lacking. God does not lend Himself to fairy tales; His primary interest is the redemption of willing lives. We’re meant to refine each other, but if we’re not willing to be exposed for (sometimes radical) change, and we do not believe God can deliver us and make our lives whole, we will not be established. Enough said.
I thank God for my freedom. Yes, there is a lot of wisdom I could pour into a child, but God has mercifully given me an awesome Goddaughter I counsel frequently in His ways. She’s been saved since she was a tot and is now nearly 18, soon to enter college. This is a critical time of learning and growing for her, and God has indulged me quite nicely in being in the right place at the right time for her. It’s my twin sister Lynette’s daughter… I helped Lynette raise her, and I love her dearly. So, in a big way, the desire to nurture and counsel and undergird a child in those ways has been met – at least enough to hold me til my own children hit the scene.
So… When’s It Coming?
God has promised me children “in my old age”, much like Sarah of the scriptures. It’s been prophesied over me several times through the years. Now, I do not believe I’ll be 90 when they come (that’s about 42 years away!), but turning 48 next month certainly puts me into an “older” percentile in terms of childbirth and motherhood.
Lord willing, these are the matters I’ll be going into in Sunday’s post of Daddy’s Girl. The tone of it will be different, but the basic theme is trusting God for the promise of remarriage, conception, and motherhood. I’m kind of settling in contentedly as I wait upon God’s will in my life in these areas. I know that I must be coupled according to His plan for me, and He is working every day to bring that plan to fruition since it didn’t happen the first time – no fault of God’s. As a particular Daddy’s Girl post explains, it didn’t happen the second time either; also NOT God’s fault.
There is no fault in Him. There are only fearful men and women.
Are You Ready?
I don’t know if I’ve talked about this enough here to bring me to the finish line of adequately iterating my feelings and situations in the Daddy’s Girl post, but I’ve certainly written enough to give me a good start; that’s why I love this blog. Diaries are helpful in so many ways; we can empty our heads of our own thoughts so the Lord can fill us completely with His Spirit’s mind and emotions. I love Him for that, and I thank you all for listening.
Here’s to a great Sunday post on Daddy’s Girl. Stop by, won’t you?