God paid all my bills today.
He’d already paid my rent… supplied all the money, I mean.
The other day I cried and spoke to the Lord, tenderly and humbly asking Him to forgive me for my ungiving heart. I have had to learn sooo much about giving, folks. So much about giving. So these are my thoughts about the God Who hangs on to me even when I disgust myself with selfishness… and Who will not allow me to go sin’s way in condemnation and thoughtlessness. Truly, He understands.
I mean, He really understands (TEARS)… will we ever be able to understand like that?
Giving is SUCH a huge part of His heart… His WHOLE HEART, I dare say; and I’ve been at least somewhat selfish all of my life; in many ways running for my life, all my life, in one way or the other. But no pity parties here – only gratefulness to the Living God Who is paying all of my bills even though I’m not working. I do online ministry, full-time, as He’s told me. I want to encourage the hearts of the many YOU have called to do Your will on the earth, Father, that YOU WILL PROVIDE FOR THEM – EVERYTHING they need in every way, always. Thank You, Abba!
Then He rubs my weakened back and shoulders, assuring me that by His mercy He will always impart Strength; assuring me of His Victory to my circumstance, and of His great love for me. God loves me all the time and I want to be like that towards my fellow-man so much I could scream and cry all day long… because I want to be like my Father, Saints… with everything in me I want to emulate my big strong Daddy and show the world His FAITHFULNESS and the torrential rains of His Favor upon us in every way possible… His outstretched Arms and willing vulnerability – He remains emotionally vulnerable and does not care if the world deems Him foolish… for He is not. He is Love, eternally.
God paid all my bills today, with no help from me. He shields me from the lies and fears of shame, and reveals to me only His Truth. Have you ever had a passion for God that just b r e a k s your heart? Have you ever wanted Him so much that your whole heart breaks? Have you ever been so thankful, you can’t form the words… or any words?
All you can do is cry…?
He reads the words of my heart, thankfully; because my gross utterances fall woefully short of His goodness; but He loves me still…
O, how I love Him and return His heart of blessing with all that is within me!
I love You, Abba… with all of my being, and with absolutely no shame.
Your Grateful Shamma