Anniversary

15 years ago today I was married.  In terms of the marriage exposing in me what was then a grossly flawed mindset, getting married was the best thing ever to happen to me.  God used it to show me to me. The Lord enabled me to welcome exposure as a friend, and that was monumentally key to embracing the ensuing deliverance and change.  I was radically changed by that marriage and its (extremely) low points.

This conversation isn’t going to go in any of my other blogs, even though in it I am thanking the Lord.  So many things in my life are changing for the better right now.  They have changed remarkably over the last decade and a half, and they’re still changing.  God never stands still; it’s we who are asked to do so, as we acknowledge that He alone is God.

I was a fearful enabler living with an even more fearful controller.  He chose not to welcome God’s searchlight into his life.  I chose to welcome it, probably because I was sick of living with the old me. Although I didn’t truly know who I was, I didn’t like who I seemed to be.  God promised me He would show me more if I let Him; He promised me better fruit to replace the bitter fruit, if I let Him.  He promised me a better way and a better day, and I wanted that.  The short four years of marriage set the stage for all that because, in the end, a relationship with God is solitary.  It is always about us and God, no matter who else is in our lives.  As my mother always said – “every tub must stand on its own bottom.”

I chose to go on with Jesus and let Him expose all the “uglies” in me.  Let me tell you, they are hideously ugly uglies… but God knows the difference between us and our sin.  WE ARE NOT OUR SIN, and God knows that.  There’s no more powerful weapon of truth for disarming the enemy than that; it completely thwarts condemnation and opens the door to the Father’s arms outstretched to receive us.  We are not our sin.  Thank You, Jesus.

15 years ago today, I was married, and I was a completely different girl.  That marriage ended, that husband was divorced, and that female no longer exists.  In me, there is now only the new person where the old one used to be.  The angry, prideful, little girl is now a grateful, humble woman willing to forgive and asking to be forgiven.  Getting married was one of the best things to ever happen to me, and it had everything to do with my Divine Husband JESUS CHRIST, from Whom I have never been divorced and never will be.

SHAMMA

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