I Feel Good

How do I feel right now?  Ever ask yourself that and then try to nail it exactly?  Sometimes I feel…  and then other times I feel… but, how do I feel right now?

I’ve got a bit of a cold but I feel good anyway.  My mind is full of thoughts as it usually is, and my heart wants me to go on and to look ahead and not behind.  That’s how I feel right now.

How do you separate the Lord from daily living?  The answer is, you don’t.  Oh, my goodness, no.  I feel right now the gravity of that emphatic statement, and I’m so glad God is in my life.  How many people are absolutely glad, even when exposure gets on your nerves?  Not God getting on your nerves, my friends – “exposure” getting on your nerves.  That really means I get irritated with me, not Him… He’s just trying to heal me.

God bless Jesus… you know what I mean?

Right now, I believe through Christ I can move mountains because of the mountains His glory (intimacy with Him) has moved and removed in me.  Getting me to stop looking at women like I look at men was a BIG mountain.  Getting me to believe men are human beings, too, and not a separate (lower) species was a BIG mountain.  Sealing in my “knower” that I am actually beautiful – to the extent that I believe it’s inside of me and outside of me when I look in the mirror… was an infinitely BIG mountain to move in me (and God is still moving it, truth be told).  So, through Christ, I believe I can do anything because the Lord Jesus Christ has accomplished the “impossible” within me.

Right now, I feel encouraged and I believe God.  Right now. . .

I feel good.



Mainly Women

I am loved and I know it.  I am loved by the Godhead, and I know that.  What I’m talking about in particular is that I am loved by humans but mainly women.  Nothing sexually perverted (any more), thank God – but everything intense.  I am intensely loved by the women in my life, such that I often shake my head.  Am I bragging?  Absolutely not.  I am wondering… first, what I did to deserve such awesomely blessed and anointed friends (two in particular); second, what they did to be assigned to me!

I’ve had a lot of sorrow and misfortune in my life, but so have they – so has everyone for that matter.

There’s a point of frustration in what has been a lifelong situation for me… it’s that men don’t persevere.  When it comes to me, I mean, they just don’t stay around.  Am I lamenting? A bit, probably.  But I’m also telling an unfortunate truth.  It seems that, with men, I’m Teflon – and with women, I’m Velcro.  I know what I’m saying is very dangerous to say to the minds of some but, again, I’m not speaking of any sexual perversions.

For the most part, women respond relationally to loyalty, understanding, honest communication, and affection.  The visceral world incites them, heavily, to friendship and bonding.  I think I was created to have daughters; but that won’t happen without lasting commitment to a male.  That bond eludes me.  It just does.  Not lamenting, just speaking from experiences all too familiar and puzzling.  Pity partying?  No; I haven’t time for it.  Indulging honest emotions?  Yes.

The truth is, I thank God for my female friends who love me so and who are devoted to my purpose in Jesus.  I have been alone most of my adult life as it pertains to “family” (blood relations), so I have greatly needed my sisters in Christ; especially the ones who have deeply adjusted their lives around me in sisterhood.  That’s been important.

If I sound confused, I’m not.  Truth is, I’m astounded that people would take the time to get to know the true “me”, and then love me so.  God has made me a “friend” by His definition because He knew I would need true and lasting friends; He knew that I was the otherwise abandoned one and that these ladies had the benevolent hearts to make room for me within their emotions.  I just never dreamed things would go so deep for each of them towards me.

In a way, I think I’m saying I don’t feel worthy of such love; but I know I am because God brought them to me.  Ever try to figure out God with the flesh?  YOU CAN’T DO IT – what a joke to try.  So you have to let Holy Spirit tell you what’s really going on or you’ll get indigestion nothing in the drug store can cure.  You have to allow God to show you the beneficent hearts He has sent your way as gifts of kindness, friendship, sisterhood, and confidants… you have to let Him speak and tell you what’s all around you in love and dire circumstance of acceptance and unconditional devotion.  You have to let Him give you patience, also, because they’re just as human as you are.  You have to.

There are men who are my brothers in Christ – actually, only two of them – and I am grateful for them.  As far as those who’ve abandoned God’s call on their lives concerning coupling with me – also two of them – I don’t know what to say other than I forgive them… I choose to forgive and not give way to the “hurt little girl” lurking in every shadow.  I thank God for the two male friends I have who have prayed for me and smiled and prayed for me again. It’s redeemed my faith in God’s ability to indwell any heart.  For now, that’s all I can say about men.

The women in my life are another story entirely.  Almost disconcertingly, in terms of devotion and intensity of loyalty and Godly emotions, I’ve never been loved so well.


How Do I Feel Tonight?

When you are cradled in the Lord’s arms, nothing else much matters.

I feel good tonight.  My spirit is quiet and safe and warm, but it is also contemplative – vastly.  You know what I mean?  This is another post of just my thoughts about so many things because they… I was going to say “wander”, but that’s not the right word… they don’t wander, they wonder – very different concept.

Sometimes my fingers keep up – sometimes they don’t but, either way, my thoughts run on and on and on.  I think that’s part of what makes us formed in the image of God, I really do, because there’s never a part of Him that isn’t in motion.  Not that He’s overly or annoyingly kinetic (like some people are); He’s just always “in motion” in the sense of growth and creation… all good stuff.

God is never “stagnant”.  That very notion is absurd.

And He has made us like Him in that, if we always listen and pay attention (there’s a difference), we’ll always be creating, too.  He will allow us to participate in His creative process born within us through our oneness with Him in Christ Jesus.  All kinds of awesomely cool attributes get passed along to us through the Godhead’s DNA when we accept and receive Jesus as our Older Brother, the way God intended.  What’s that all about, friends?  And, by that, I mean – HOW STUPENDOUSLY AWESOME!

“I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet not I, but CHRIST LIVES IN ME…”  That’s a wonderful place to be.  And in that place we can contemplate and be in awe of God, constantly; never moving, yet never standing still.  You know what I mean?  Our God can do anything… that’s what I mean.  Our God can do everything… that’s what I mean.

Everything good and perfect and of life and health and strength and holiness and purity and might and delight… that’s what our God can do!  And He is incapable of lying.  How is THAT for wonderful?

It’s like that old gospel song I heard growing up which declares, “God Can Do Anything But Fail”.  Hallelujah!

I am all right tonight.  I moving, I am breathing, I am magnifying His Holy Name whether my flesh wants to or not.  The flesh is so insignificant… really.  The flesh… one day I’ll be RID of it and all of its trouble.  I honestly will not miss it one tiny bit, will you?

Tonight I’m feeling fine.  My God and I are on the same page (meaning I am in alignment with His marvelous will), and the night is passing over me like a warm, friendly garment.

Really… tonight, I’m feeling fine.