The Struggle: Writing a Book

As much as I absolutely love writing, you’d think I’d sail through writing this book.  I’ve written two  Vision books already, but this is my testimony in book form… I think that’s the problem.

Even though Jesus has delivered me from the trauma associated with my early years, the empathic emotions associated with it remain. That’s how God works, allowing those of us who’ve moved on to retain the compassion necessary to minister to those walking where we’ve been.

Seeing demons and being adversely impacted by it – I’ve been there. Learning by degrees my authority in Christ and my identity in Him – been there, too.

Being molested as a child – been there.  Learning to forgive that molester – recently been there, too.

Indulging in homosexual practices for years as a result of that molestation’s influence on my own choices – been there.  Repenting for my part in choosing to embrace that lifestyle – been there, too.

Coming back to a faithful walk in Christ and losing my mother at age 27 – been there.

Enjoying victory and authority and discernment in Jesus Christ because of a million mega-deliverances, including a Freedom Encounter – I’m still there.

So what’s the problem writing this book?  I suppose the same difficulty it would present anyone upon revisiting a treacherously dark place.  You know, Jesus doesn’t have any attachments to the enemy and vice-versa, but it greatly saddens and disturbs Him to walk through the caverns of Hell.  It’s just a place where nothing Godly belongs.

As long as I allow God’s truth and identity to move through me, I can bear the emotional effects and give testimony in joy, but that’s not always easy for me… so I avoid the writing.  I stay in the happy neighborhood God’s moved me to without booking flights down to the “hell” that used to be.

Sounds like I need (yet) another deliverance, doesn’t it? Well, if so, ain’t no big, because I know it works. Been there.

So, Shamma, p l e a s e … write the book!



Forgiveness is No Fiction

Our spiritual condition affects our writing.

Holy Spirit let me know that a manner of purging and cleansing is found in incorporating past encounters into character descriptions.  I suppose that’s a truism long-since known and understood by writers, but it’s only just now really settled upon me.

For instance, the Christian Sci-Fi story I’m writing, called “The Precipice” is basically the testimony of hardships I’ve experienced with family betrayals, set to outer space.  There was a time I thought writing the story would be irreverent, and I talked to God about it.  But He told me that aligning my life experiences with fanciful thinking embroidered by Abba’s gifting to my imagination would make it easier for me to receive truths about the human condition in general and the reasons behind my loved-ones’ unrighteous choices.

How about that?  I know that, while there are never any excuses for ungodly behavior, there are myriad reasons for it.  Knowing those reasons often tenders us to those who’ve hurt us.  We’re supposed to love them… to allow Holy Spirit to replace our eyes with Abba’s when we look at them.  Welcoming God’s supernatural abilities within me as I recall circumstances surrounding their betrayals and set them to imaginary environments opens my mind to whys and wherefores attached to those betrays I’d never considered.  Understanding can be applied where it previously wasn’t.

Understanding ISN’T condoning – make no mistake.  For instance, we understand that jealousy and pride were embraced by Lucifer and facilitated his fall from right standing with Jehovah.  We don’t agree with or condone his actions, but we understand them.

Some things we’ll never understand because they’re not understandable… why he didn’t repent when given the chance, for example.  That’s not understandable… it’s insanity.  It’s what God calls the Lucifer Simplex, and I write about that, too, when I touch on the refusal of my earthly father and siblings to receive Jesus, even though they knew His way was best.  That’s craziness, plain and simple.

Writing about these failings and setting them to circumstances that breathe new life to my perspectives is healthy for me, God says, because it paves new ground in areas of forgiveness, even in the face of their wrongdoing.  In the end, my life is not about them and God – it’s about ME and God… about my decision to live righteously before Him no matter what others do to me.  My life needs constant repair, restoration, and recovery.  Writing is just one of the areas God uses to accomplish that.

Dear God, as usual, I’m grateful.


Thank God

I need for relationships to be simple. That’s how it is between God and I. With no pretenses, no innuendos or suppositions, and no hesitance in honesty; that’s how I want relationships to be.

What? Am I crazy? Probably near about, I guess. A little expectant? A bit too hard or judgemental? Or just a dreamer? Which is it?

When God is your example, you become quickly spoiled… at least I do.

Now, do I give all that to Him at all times in our relationship? Oh, how I wish I did, but I don’t! You’d think I would by now, but I never stop being human or battling with the flesh… so I never give 100% of what I get from Him, yet He doesn’t hold it against me.

Therein is the example in persevering love He sets for you and me each day.

Oh, how I want relationships to be simple, to meet the kind of person that I am. But I complicate things for God and He loves me still. God is so perfect… perfect in every way and I adore Him for it. I would be lost without that example; a train wreck in sneakers without His love; an arrogant, angry, nobody without His forgiveness.

God’s love puts us all on the map… and I’m rambling again because tonight my soul is so filled with thoughts.

Thank God for my diary…