My Insides Out

What I like about this is that I can sit at a keyboard and let my insides come out in any way I want.  I was raised right, so they’re not going to profane anyone or anything… but they don’t have to be structured in any way other than “just as I am”, know what I mean?

No particular theme or organizational quality – not that those are bad things, ’cause they’re certainly not – just Sharon or Shamma on a palette of cyberpaper with swirls and curls and sways of my own design under God’s power and grace.  Cathartically speaking, it’s the only way to write!

Though there’s not always a “topic” per se, writing is something I feel I must do to stay healthily alive.  If I’m not doing it on paper or on my computer, I’m doing it in my heart and mind… I’m drawing lines and shading and shadowing images with descriptors.  Metaphors and similes are my brushes depicting light and color against the steady canvas of my experiences.

Storytelling is my life’s expression in so many ways because I love looking into the workings of occasions and happenings and emotions and reasonings and things often unuttered.  I can’t imagine not saying things, at least somewhere!  If words don’t come out of my mouth, they come out on paper.  If they don’t come out on paper, they come out on my computer; that’s the only way I can live with me ’cause I’m not God.  God can live with anyone under any circumstances.  That’s why He’s God and I’m not.

Sometimes words and emotions and thoughts are like a ball of string coming out of my head… unraveling slowly and hooking on various corners and edges surrounding my mind’s window.  They make wonderful tapestry most days… some days they make webs… other days they make those funky designs you see on Spirograph™ wheels (remember Hasbro’s Spirograph™?).  Then, at very special times, my thoughts talk to me; yeah, they have things to say and I listen to them because I know that eventually Holy Spirit will take over so that my life can make sense.

Dear God, I love writing… !

I love thinking, I love feeling, I love emoting… I love it all and I’m glad I was made this way.  God absolutely knew what He was doing when He made me, friends.  I love being me – even though I’ve hated me at times – because I don’t misunderstand anymore the God Who made me.  That gets me through it all because then I can ask Him to help me better understand me.  That makes it all worthwhile and masterfully interesting.

Unstructured and amazed… my “insides” are coming out – again.




All Day Without Talking

Fountain Pen - 3 blogs
photo credit: MyTudut via photopin cc

Could you go all day without talking?  I mean, except to God in your heart?  I could, and I have.  It’s an interesting thing to just not want to talk on some days, my friends.  Especially when it’s not that you’re brooding or fearful about something… you just don’t want to talk.  If no one’s especially around me, my house is quiet except for God (with praise and worship music always playing), I don’t generally need to utter out loud the things that are inside of me, for God well knows them all.  I’ve gone all day without talking, and my ears have stepped up and thanked me. [Hey, that ears can’t walk should be no issue at all, I’m trying to make a clear point.]  ;0) 

Then again…

I was just wondering if “silence is golden” holds out when writing’s involved.  I don’t have to constantly talk, but I do have to constantly write… at least I want to fairly often.  Writers and talkers – talkers and writers, whoa… are they the same thing?

My mind is racing a little bit but, really, who in the world am I kidding? Writing IS talking, and talking IS writing! If I go all day without talking, but don’t go that day without writing, I’ve actually “talked” all the while.  See? This is why I need a diary blog!

Ah, well…


Don’t Just “Fix” Me

God realizes the deep sense of validation that comes from being heard.  He understands why we need to be heard because He needs to be heard.

Even though He can “fix” all problems of everyone everywhere, He doesn’t bombard us with the solution when we experience problems.  Hurts and wounding often need to be discussed… “talked out” as it were, and Abba understands the need for it.  I find it frustrating when friends (though well-intentioned) are so energetically lending their solutions to my problems that they basically talk on top of my expression of the pain.  Emoting is necessary, IMO; since God allows me to express myself, I believe He also appreciates the necessity.

Some people just want Him to fix things because that’s how they’re geared.  At first, I admit I was going to say “men” just want to solve and be solved, but that’s not accurate or fair.  I’ve encountered the “fix it” mentality in both genders, and I’m not condemning those who place priority on enacting solutions.  I’m just saying I’m not that kind of person.  I like to talk first about what’s going on with me so that, among other things, I can HEAR MYSELF speaking, because sometimes I’m not clear on where I stand unless I talk things out with God and those I love.  People just wanting to squelch my expressions and get on with “fixing” me only stifle the very emotions I’m trying to liberate.

God doesn’t do that.  Even though He has all the answers, His heart is intensely relational, and that quality within Him welcomes my intimate sharing.  Just as allowing a wound to bleed-through before applying the salve and patch promotes healing, God allows my tears to soak His shoulders and my arms to tighten around His waist to bring relief… He lets me just stand there and cry without even trying to fix me.  That’s important.

Certainly I get sorted out and delivered by Him in time, but it’s through the tender process of His considerate strength and counsel; I respond best to that.

I am deeply relational – it’s part of the reason I write.  I love to express myself and hear the expressions of others, but not everyone is like that.  Those who are not as relational prefer to have their problems solved, not discussed.  God understands that.  So He is tendering me to the needs of people who have difficulty expressing themselves… after all, it’s not a sin – it’s a difference.  God is amazing.

Lord, I thank You for always hearing me out and for Your willingness to lift the lid on my boiling pots so steam can escape.  Thank You also, Abba, for supplying gentle, methodic solutions to all of my problems, elevating my understanding in the process.  You are wonderful.

Your humility has visited my heart like a dear friend, teaching me always that I hold no quarter on emotions or feelings – we are all different, and our uniqueness is precious in Your sight, everlasting.

Dear Father, help me always to receive and consider others as You have received and considered me; in Christ’s precious Name I pray.  Amen.

SHAMMA   =0)